


Everything I Loved (Became Everything I Lost)

by imnotmadeofeyes



Category: Bandom, Pierce the Veil, Sleeping With Sirens
Genre: Angst, Except he isn't, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Smut, kellin is flawless, vic is in love, vic pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-17
Updated: 2014-06-17
Packaged: 2018-02-05 02:01:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1801312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imnotmadeofeyes/pseuds/imnotmadeofeyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was a fling – just a fling, just sex whenever they both needed it, no feelings involved. And then it wasn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything I Loved (Became Everything I Lost)

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to say that I don't know where this came from, but I do. It was a prompt. Sorry not sorry.  
>  _"Kellic, nice and drawn out with some emotional stuff to make me cry. Any rating! Smutty stuff too is great."_ Here's to you, bandsonicamber21.  
>  So, I'm sorry if this sucks or if this is overly rushed, but yeah, I just wanted to get this out. Feedback is always wanted, and I also take new prompts and all so yeah, message me or whatever.  
> And now go and enjoy.

Vic loved Kellin. He loved him with every part of his being. He loved his long, soft black hair, every shade of his golden, soft skin, his delicate, slightly muscled body and his pretty, gorgeous face with these unbelievably bright blue eyes. He loved the way his voice sounded when he spoke about something he loved, he loved his singing voice and the sound of his laugh. Vic loved him, every part of him. He was hopelessly in love, head over heels, and he couldn’t remember a time in which he hadn’t been. He was so full of it that it was impossible to hide.

Yet, yet Kellin didn’t know. Everybody else knew it: Mike, Vic’s little brother, and their best friends Tony and Jaime. They mocked and taunted him, teased him about his ‘crush’ on the other man, because Vic was so freakishly obvious about it. But Kellin didn’t. He didn’t see it in the way Vic always hung on his lips when he spoke or sang, the way Vic was always touching him in some way when they were together, throwing an arm around him or leaning onto him, sometimes even playing with his hair or straightening out his clothes.

Maybe it was because their friendship had always been like this. Ever since they’d met, Vic had feelings for the younger male and couldn’t keep his hands to himself. Or maybe Kellin just didn’t see anything behind these actions because of the turn their friendship had taken right at the beginning – probably even before they’d been able to call their relationship a friendship. Because while they were really close, trusting each other dearly, they also were more.

The first time Vic and Kellin had met, it had been on a party, years before Pierce The Veil and Sleeping With Sirens had become as famous, years before they had worked on King For A Day. They had both been drunk and they had flirted, and a round of Seven Minutes In Heaven (you know, because punk rockers are really hardcore and stuff) was followed by a round of things that better stayed unspoken. It was just a one-night-stand, nothing special – just good gay sex with a person you barely knew but thought was really hot.

The next morning, Kellin had been gone, but only a few weeks later, they had met – on Warped Tour, of all things. They had both played on sub stage, and because their bands were getting on well, they were soon getting to know each other better. It was just a question of time and then they were basically inseparable. And it was just a matter of time until they started up what they did on the first night again. It became a fling – just a fling, just sex whenever they both needed it, no feelings involved. Kellin had made that obvious. He wasn’t looking for a relationship, just for some fun.

In the beginning, Vic had felt the same. He had been going out with others, but eventually he had realized his true feelings for the other singer, and to be honest, he soon wasn’t able to even look at anyone that wasn’t Kellin Quinn. It was pathetic, he knew. He was in love with his best friend with benefits. He didn’t want to be, didn’t choose to be – but he couldn’t change it, he didn’t want to change it. He also couldn’t stay away from him. He was craving Kellin’s closeness, his touch, his trust, his friendship – the sex as well. And he would never dare giving that up, even though he didn’t have it in the way he had.

Sometimes Vic could almost believe that Kellin felt the same about him, and it was in times like this. They hadn’t seen each other in almost two months, but they were texting and skyping daily. Now finally both their bands were in the same city for a couple of days, and it wasn’t even a question that Vic and Kellin would find themselves a hotel room together to spend the night – it had been too long. This morning, Vic had woken up to a text from Kellin saying “I miss you so much :( can’t wait to see you tonight though, it’s gonna be so great :D xxx”. It had made the butterflies in his stomach come to life – Kellin missed him, Kellin wanted to see him. Maybe, he thought, maybe he had a chance.

 

“Vic _tor_ would you please stop fidgeting?” Jaime rolled his eyes before shooting their singer a death glare. “We’re almost at the hotel and you’ll be seeing your loverboy soon enough, oh – my – god”

Vic blushed, but he couldn’t stop the bouncing of his leg. He wanted to finally have Kellin in his arms again, and every minute that spared him from doing so was a minute he dreaded. “You’re the same when we’re going home so shut the fuck up”

“Oooooh so he’s your new home now? I’m so gonna tell _mamá_ ” Mike said, but he was actually smirking at his older brother. Vic glared at him. So what if he only felt at home when Kellin was around? It was a part of being in love with that person.

“Yeah whatever – look, we’re here now” Tony interrupted his band mates before it could get out of hand. It was true – their bus just came to a halt in front of the hotel. The other boys had rather opted to stay on the tour bus: it was easier to come home drunk as fuck from a party to their tour bus than to a hotel room, and they just wanted to go out to drink themselves into a stupor. Vic didn’t give too much of a damn – as long as he had Kellin, he didn’t care about what the others did.

“Ok guys, have a good night and don’t drink all too much, I’ll see you in two days” Vic grinned, ruffled Jaime’s hair, fist-bumped Tony and smacked Mike’s head before he grabbed his bag and jumped off the bus. He rushed into the hotel; not because of any fangirls on the street that could probably taunt him, but because he was actually giddy with anticipation. He just wanted to go to the room and have hot reunion sex with Kellin. Waiting was hell; even the receptionist wasn’t quick enough, though the young woman was working quickly and effectively.

And then Vic was finally in the elevator up to the twelfth floor where they had booked a suite, and his heart was pounding in his chest much too hard, just like he had just played a two-hour set without a break. He was grabbing his bag too tightly, his fingers running through his hair nervously. The doors slid open and he padded over the hallway to their room and just when he was about to unlock the door, it opened.

“Vic” Kellin was standing there, gorgeous as ever with from the Australian sun tanned skin and a bit shorter hair than before. His eyes were shining as he grinned at the smaller male, showing off his collar bones and tattoos with wearing just a loose, black Glamour Kills tank top hanging off his skinny frame.

Vic didn’t hesitate to fall into Kellin’s arms. He wrapped his arms around Kellin’s neck and slid his fingers into the soft hair at the base of Kellin’s neck, forcing their mouths together in a deep, desperate kiss. He felt more than heard the other man’s chuckle as his long, elegant fingers came to rest on Vic’s hips just beneath his slightly too big white t-shirt. Their bodies pressed together and Vic felt at home. He felt the tension of the past weeks drain from his body as Kellin returned his kisses just as feverish as Vic wanted him to. They stumbled further into the room and the door closed thanks to Kellin pressing Vic up to it.

“I missed you” Vic breathed heavily as their mouths broke apart, his lips instead peppering kisses over that gorgeous jaw line he adored so much.

“Hello to you, too” Kellin smirked down at him cockily, and _god_ what that smirk did to Vic. His fingers traced little patterns into the skin of Vic’s sides, and Vic felt so damn alive beneath that touch, beneath that gaze. He smiled before reattaching their lips, instantly granting access when Kellin’s tongue flicked against his lips, asking for entrance. He pressed himself closer to Kellin, reveling in the fact that he had the man he adored back in his arms.

Their fingers started roaming as their tongues tangled, and no time was wasted – it had been too long. They made their way over to the bed eventually, ridding shirts, shoes and jeans, falling onto the soft bouncy mattress in a tangle of limbs, their growing erections only being hidden by their boxers. Vic was on top now, Kellin’s legs wrapped around his waist as his mouth roamed Kellin’s neck, kissing and sucking and nibbling, leaving a trail of small marks from his ear down to his collar bone. Kellin’s fingers were knotted into Vic’s hair, pulling on it as he let out the smallest moans, just soft sounds barely louder than his breath. Vic loved the sounds Kellin was making just like he loved the way the younger male’s body felt beneath his own. The slide of skin on skin drove him crazy, and feeling Kellin’s crotch pressing against his own didn’t help the matters either. They were both hard, and from Kellin’s squirming came a friction that was just as bittersweet as it was needed.

As much as Vic loved teasing Kellin, he was impatient. His own hand wasn’t exactly the best company for all this time. So he slid down Kellin’s body, leaving open-mouthed wet kisses all over the younger’s torso. He was mesmerized by the winding of Kellin as his lips closed around his nipples, sucking and nipping at both in turn, and relished the sounds he could draw from his throat, breathy moans that made his cock ache in his boxers. As Vic slid down further, he hooked his fingers into the waistband of Kellin’s underwear, sliding them down those pretty, long legs.

And then, Vic sat back on his heels for a second, just to stare. Kellin was so gorgeous with the love bites all over his neck and chest, his dick laying hard and heavy on his flat stomach, glistening just the tiniest bit with pre-come. He was damn gorgeous – not that Vic didn’t know, but he was surprised by it every time anew.

Kellin smirked at him. “Like what you see?” Vic liked that he wasn’t embarrassed at all. Kellin was confident, and while it bordered on arrogance most of the time, he found himself being turned on by it, as insane as that sounded. He shot him a bright grin, and let his fingers travel up the cream-colored line of the inside of Kellin’s thighs. The younger man squirmed and let out the softest of moans, his head falling back onto the pillows when, finally, Vic’s tanned fingers, strong from playing so much guitar, wrapped around his shaft. Vic kept his grip loose as he experimentally tugged on it, watching his lover with bright, unblinking eyes.

Obviously, Kellin wasn’t satisfied. “Vic, I swear to god –“

To that, Vic let out a low chuckle before leaning down, easily wrapping his lips around the tip of his penis. Kellin gasped, and Vic relished in the taste of Kellin’s salty pre-come on his tongue. He had missed this just as much as everything else about the pretty singer beneath him, and so he eagerly went down on him; he, unlike many others, actually liked giving head. Maybe it was about Kellin, once again, but he didn’t care about it – not when Kellin’s fingers slid into his hair to keep Vic’s head in his crotch, scratching over his scalp and tugging on his curls.

Vic could feel Kellin moving underneath him, felt his hips thrusting up just a little bit, and he was quick to clamp his hands over these sharp juts of Kellin’s hipbones (that he loved tracing with his tongue) to hold him down. He wasn’t that good of a deep-throater.

“V-Vic” Kellin gasped, and his voice was high and rough, like he had just played a complete set and didn’t have any time to let his voice recover. “I need – more, oh my god” He pulled him off, hastily, impatiently, and used his grip on Vic’s hair to pull him up to his eye-level and crash their mouths together messily once more. Vic moaned as he could feel their dicks rubbing together, separated by just the thin fabric of his tented boxers.

Kellin’s mouth broke away from his, only to latch onto his neck and suck deep purple bruises into his skin. “Let me ride you” he finally panted, close to Vic’s ear, and his teeth clamped down onto Vic’s earlobe to tug on it gently. Vic moaned, and it was answer enough for Kellin to flip them both around so he was on top. He didn’t hesitate one second to rip the last piece of clothing off Vic’s skinny body and rushed to grab lube and a condom from the bedside table.

Vic watched, always in awe of that beautiful man atop him, how Kellin opened the foil package and slipped the condom on Vic’s throbbing, stone-hard member. He moaned at the sensation – it had been too long since he’d last felt those delicate, gorgeous fingers on him. He didn’t mind Kellin setting the place; he wanted it like this, fast and rushed and desperate, like they both needed it. But when the black-haired straddled him and positioned Vic’s member right at his entrance, his fingers closed around his thighs, holding him up, making him still.

“What about prep?” Vic asked softly, always worrying. He didn’t want to hurt Kellin – he could _never_ hurt an individual as perfect and flawless as his lover. And while he understood the rush – he felt it, too, just wanted to feel Kellin’s tight heat around him –, he also thought that they had time for two fingers.

However, Kellin only smirked that fucking dirty smirk again, and his bright eyes glistened mischievously – beautifully. “I came in early, wanted to be ready for you. Surprise!” And with that, he sunk down on Vic’s shaft, slowly but not slow enough, wrapping himself around him tightly. Vic moaned, his dull fingernails digging into Kellin’s flesh where he was still gripping his upper thighs tightly, his head thrown back, his eyes screwed closed.

Kellin was _so_ tight around him, _so_ hot, holding him in a relentlessly firm, burning grip. The friction was perfect in all the right ways, and Vic had to hold himself together tightly to not thrust up into his lover recklessly – or just come like an inexperienced teenager during his first time. A string of curses spilled from his mouth, mixed with Kellin’s name, and he was unable to hold the words in as he was currently buried in Kellin as far as possible.

Kellin’s hands came to rest on Vic’s chest as he started moving tentatively, just slow circles of his hips that would drive both of them insane in no time. Vic opened his eyes again and just watched – he watched Kellin’s sweaty fringe fall into his beautifully flushed face, those kiss-bitten pink lips parted to let out harsh breaths and slow, deep moans that left all the porn stars in envy, the way his tattooed chest heaved to get in enough oxygen and the way his hips moved, the bones jutting out even more like this.

Vic would never get enough of this.

Instantly, the two males fell back into an old, utterly familiar rhythm. Their bodies moved in perfect synch of thrusting hips and squeezing hands, and Vic felt like even their breathing and their heartbeats were going at the same rate. He gripped Kellin’s hips so tight he was positive he would leave bruises, and eventually Kellin leaned down to kiss him, moaning even louder at the new angle – Vic could actually feel himself brushing against Kellin’s prostate every so often.

The room was filled with the smell of sex and sweat and the sounds of skin rubbing on or slapping against skin, harsh breaths and loud moans, strings of curses and names said like prayers. Vic was completely blissed out, and for a while, he forgot about everything – everything but Kellin, the magnificent man that was fucking himself on Vic’s dick like his life depended on it. And in that moment, it became clear as day to Vic once more: his life depended on Kellin. Not on the sex, per se, but on the intimacy with him, just being close to Kellin, being able to call him his.

And that realization, though he had known it before, hit him by surprise as well as his climax that was following straight after. His whole body convulsed with the force of his high and he jerked his back of the bed, moaning as he shot his load into the condom, still buried deep inside Kellin. And Kellin wasn’t far to follow, with his hand working furiously over his own dick he came seconds later, his head lolling back as he moaned Vic’s name. He coated Vic’s chest and his own fingers in come and clenched even tighter around Vic’s sensitive penis, sending him into another violent round of aftershocks that had his body trembling.

They collapsed onto the mattress in a heap of sweat-slick and come-sticky skin, just panting messes, not really connected to earth after their orgasms yet again. Vic had enough of a mind to pull out of Kellin – earning a wince from the younger –, slip off the condom and throw it into the bin that had been carefully placed by the bedside table. Then, he wrapped his arms around Kellin, who still lay half atop of him.

 

In the end, if you ever asked Vic about it, he wouldn’t be able to tell what made him do it. He didn’t know what made him mutter out those three little words then. Maybe it was the fact that he hadn’t seen Kellin in so long and he was so goddamn happy to have him back. Maybe it was the fact that Kellin was curled into his body like he belonged there, and their bodies seemed to fit together like two pieces of a puzzle. Vic honestly didn’t know. But right then and there, in that hotel room smelling like their orgasms, he said it, buttnaked and still covered in drying come.

“I love you”

And he realized his mistake the moment that Kellin stiffened at his side before sitting up, shuffling away from Vic. The eyes of the Mexican shot open in horror, finding Kellin’s open and on him as well – though blown wide in another kind of horror. He didn’t know how he could be so foolish, saying what he had just said. It had been a damn dumb move – they had come to an agreement a long time ago, and it had said no feelings involved whatsoever. But obviously, Vic had to be dumb enough to break that promise – and to let Kellin know. _Dumb, dumb him._

“You can’t be serious” Kellin said, and he was completely changed. While before, he had been cocky, flirtatious and cheeky, just the way Vic loved him most, he now was a completely different man – a man Vic had never seen before. His usually shining blue eyes were cold and hard as steel now, and his small shoulders were set in a firm line as well as his jaw, and his posture actually scared Vic a little bit.

“I – Kellin, no please, I didn’t mean it, I –“ Vic was quick to stutter, desperately trying to cover up his mistake, but it was too late.

“You _fucking_ promised me, Vic – no feelings. You promised! And now? What do you think I can do now? I have a fucking family at home!” Kellin shot up from the bed and started collecting his clothes. His actions stung and his words stung even more, but Vic only had one thing in mind – he couldn’t lose Kellin, not now and not ever and not to a dumb mistake like this.

So he shot up from the bed and grabbed Kellin’s arm, trying to hold him back when he was just about to slip his jeans back on. “Please Kellin, nothing has to change, we can just –“

“No, we can’t just! Why couldn’t you just leave things as they were? Why do you always ruin everything?!” Kellin ripped his arm away from Vic’s grip so violent the older male actually stumbled back a few steps. To Vic, this was worse than every punch he’d ever received, watching Kellin hurry to get his clothes on and to grab his overnight-bag. But he was paralyzed – he couldn’t move and everything was moving too quickly and _shit_ , what could he do?

“Kellin –“

“No, Vic. Just don’t.” Kellin was on the door already, and it had barely been a minute. He turned around, and when their gazes met this time, Vic shivered under the sheer coldness that laid in those orbs that he loved so much, and he realized that everything was lost. “And don’t ever dare to contact me again. Never.”

And then the door fell closed, and it felt too utterly final. Vic was numb, emotionless, something that he hadn’t felt in years. He stared for long seconds, his eyes fixed on the floor. That couldn’t be happening. It was all just a bad dream. He couldn’t have – why did he – His mind wasn’t able to form coherent sentences anymore. His vision blurred – finally or should he say too soon? – and the tension, all strength he had, drained from his body. He sunk to the floor naked as he was, the carpet digging into his bare knees harshly, but he didn’t care. He just cowered there, and it wasn’t long until his whole frame was shaking.

Vic didn’t try to hold in his sobs. He had screwed it up. Kellin had always been the only person he loved, the only person he needed, and he’d relied on him so damn much. But now he’d lost him, he’d lost him because he loved him and how was that fair, could somebody please explain? This had to be a fucking joke. And Vic wished, he wished for Kellin to come back, wished for the other man to come back through the door and hug him, tell him he was sorry, he didn’t mean it, and that they would be okay again. He wished for it as his eyes dried because he couldn’t find no more tears, he wished for it as he somehow collected his limbs enough to get up, slip on his boxers again and lay down on the bed, and he wished for it all through the night as he watched the lights from the windows wander over the ceiling of the room.

And all night he waited, he waited for Kellin to come back – but he never did, and that was when Vic realized that he would never.


End file.
